I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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