I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
