"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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