that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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