She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
