I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
