i permit you to call me
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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