I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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