ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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