Is it normal to miss your booty call?
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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