Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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