i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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