? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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