Just fell off a train. Bad.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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