awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
