I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
