If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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