The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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