OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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