Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
