ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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