I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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