Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
