my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
