i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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