I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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