I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
she looked like the before picture.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
