And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
