Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
