After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Randomize
