i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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