We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
