sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Dicks are not precious.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
