You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
