matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
