Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
