Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
