I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
