You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
