he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
