Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
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Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
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my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Can vaginas get frostbite?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I have tasted many bathrooms
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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