sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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