Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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