I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
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