i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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