i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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