I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
