Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
