youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
