When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
