So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
