I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
