remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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