just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I want her autograph on my taint
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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