he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
