we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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