sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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