i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize