Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
