Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We are all done wearing pants today
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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