Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
