Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
