u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
