What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Randomize
