So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
