You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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