I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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